Time Travelling

Today I want to go back in time, before this diagnosis and journey, to a time I had two breasts and I would take the worst pms day ever. I woke up today sad just so sad and longing for that breast that always gave me pain and grief and would grow larger then the other during some menopausal cycles.

I remembered today when I got my first bra, I ran up the street to show all my friends, I literally threw up my top and proudly displayed my first entry into womanhood. Those of you who know my smile picture it like the jokers from Batman huge and proud and thinking how envious are you. I would take that day back in spades, maybe I will re enact it when I get my reconstruction, however Frank may not like that. People don't know what to say when you mention the mastectomy, I wonder if some women imagine themselves holding on to theirs for dear life and hoping they can't catch what I have. Oh yes the alternative would have been not to have caught the cancer, what if I'd had a lumpectomy would they have found the second tumour lingering against the chest wall.

You know writing this down and knowing my friends who love me are reading this and going through this with me is so healing you have to know it is making me better. Some days however humour just can't cut it.

Off and on all day I would just start the sniffling and Frank poor thing just doesn't know what to say, then he comes and gives me a hug and pats me with a little too much empathy and hurts the incision area under my arm and he just dies inside.

We went for a nice walk, now this is a new thing due to breast cancer Frank only likes to walk the golf course, so after one of my sniffling sessions he agrees to a walk and he loved it. When I said do yo want to go further he practically yells no, but he will go again, very therapeutic.

My shopping (some say addiction) look if shopping at French's is an addiction.............there are alot worse I could do. But even that isn't helping when I feel like this.

So I just say shit shit shit out loud by writing my blog, whine alittle with you and Voila I feel better. I did wear a bra on Friday and I could be having worse symptoms then I have had so Susan smarten the hell up.

As always thank you for listening and when I have a new breast all treatments are done I am cancer completely free..I may flash you my new chest.