The phone rang a little while ago and I thought "its the hospital and they are going to say its all been a mistake", "Chemo is Cancelled". But it was my sister. I'm not as fearful as I was, the pic line is in. It's a portable iv like tube that is all wrapped up , I'll be taking the chemo thru there and when they need to take blood etc. Thanksgiving was incredible family family family no meltdowns from anybody, with so many of us someone invariably tales a header. But not this year. Cancer hit th family and everyone changes hopefully when its all over all the positive changes will stay. Its easy once hard times are over to forget.
The left breast has shrivelled up as promised by the Dr. so I am lopsided, funny it doesn't bother me. I know what its like to be flat chested now, at least on one side. I am round, born round, not angular at all, even when at my thinnest years ago....round. I don't mind being round. My sister has these amazing clavicles and shoulders she's two inches taller so to me she was tall and willowy she would laugh at this description as she would also call herself round. Body image was destined in our house to make all of us girls diet and worry for life about our weight appearance. My Father and brothers poked fun and gave us all inferiority complexes, what they wouldn't do to change it, but I don't think our family has the patent on dysfunction.
However looks play a role when you are a woman who loves to look good, loves make up clothes all the frilly things. It wasn't to long ago that I let the girls out and was mature enough to show cleavage in a respectably sexy way. Wish I hadn't had all the hangups I did definitely wish I had shown the chest off more. Wait until they are rebuilt all I'll do is show them off.
Now the hair....Oh God ....another hurdle. If God had wanted me to have a bald head I would have been born with one. Wait I was born bald. So that doesn't fit. Please Please don't say its only hair. I have always loved my hair. Hairdressers loved it, boyfriends and husbands loved it. My son at 4 years old commented on a new haircut. My sisters always complain I had the best hair. My girlfriends loved it, some girls we're bitchy and jealous of it. So if I'm a little hung up here.......Yes far better to have caught the breast cancer and lose my hair then the alternative. But I will be sad and mourn the inevitable if you don't mind. I know it grows back blah blah blah
Well signing off now. Next time I write I will have a chemo treatment down and five more to go.
So the hair should start growing back in February.....................
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I must admit, I do love your hair! but I wonder what it will come back in like...will it be all soft and flowy???will it be straight and thick??? curly???red??? we will hold our breath until the first few poke their heads through in Feb...kind of like looking for the first crocus in Spring! make sure you get a warm hat ( that is the mother in me coming out)
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