So many have emailed or called and asked me to post again so I will. I meant to blog every day during radiation. But I ended up being so tired tired tired., some days I couldn't cook or make the bed. I slept 10 to 11 hours with a nap thrown in sometime during the day. I did feel bad at times that I wasn't staying in touch, then I started getting resentful of the damn thing. Then I realized it was OK. I am going through this the only way I know how. But honestly I would have been to tired should I have had the motivation. OK everyone I hope is cool with me, because I couldn't have gotten through chemo without knowing I had so many friends logging on and wishing me well.
So well Radiation is not at all what I had anticipated. I literally thought some kind of fire breathing hose was going to come at me and brand me or something. But no its much more civilized, three very pert and fun Radiation Therapists come and escort you to room 1, 2 or 3. (They are called therapists because they do a "treatment on you". I asked their title because I would have called them technicians.) They study also for 3 years. I then lie myself down on a bed, my left arm up in the air and snuggled into a arm rest. I'm in a johnny shirt and half of my chest is now exposed. The first one was weird as the therapist was a gorgeous 40 year old male and I have to tell you I felt not bad but uncomfortable. But by the third treatment I was fine with him and oddly enough became more comfortable at home getting dressed and looking in the mirror. (I mean he didn't turn to stone seeing my scar.)
So I'm on the stretcher bed, they set you up, its all physics and these lights come on they are holding what looks like a remote control and there is now a diagram of an excel spreadsheet on my chest and they punch in numbers leave the room and the machine comes on and a red beam is pointed at an area on the chest and that my friends is the radiation. Lasts one minute. Then they come back in and position the machine to do the other side.
Most of my treatments we're done at night. Thankfully as I don't know how I could have gotten out of bed before 10am if I had to go early. The 12.30 treatment times I was actually late for twice.
But this family has now gotten through, Diagnosis, Surgery, Chemo x 6,Hair loss, Surgery (Day), Radiation x15 with one more to go. We got through Frank's melanoma on his leg, Robert my teenage drama King with his jigging, his sometimes and often juvenile behavior. But he is a loving boy and is going to graduate.
I got over the shock of Tiger Woods infidelity, that man broke my heart. Frank got over Jesse James and what he did to Sandra. (We are very loyal)lol....Oh and Kate plus 8 what was that which she called dancing?????
On a heavier not we gave what we could to Haiti and watched all the benefit shows they had for the tragedy.
My hair is growing, a woman actually came up to me in a parking lot, grabbed my arm to stop me and said "OMG I love your hair you look ten years younger"!! OK I didn't know this woman, so I'm thinking ten years younger then what?? How old did she think I was doesn't she know I am a paranoid, schizophrenic when it comes to my hair. I mean did she think I was 60 trying to look 50!!! Nope Sue just can't take it as a compliment. Anyways , I am getting used to it and all who wish to comment please do. I accept all compliments readily.
So my chemo weight. Has to be talked about. Gained 15 lost 8, 7 to go to be the weight I was when I had first surgery. Now who says I have to be that weight??? Now granted I want to get into last summers wardrobe but what if I don't?? I've discovered or learned or lets say finally got it through cancer its whats on the inside not the outside. I spent so much time effort money Saturday nights alone doing sit ups worrying, and trying to get down to a size whatever. What did I think was going to happen if I was a size 4??? Would I suddenly look like a movie star??Would a man suddenly want to ask me out. They're alot of issues surrounding many of us regarding weight. It may be 50 coming up it may be cancer and learning what matters but man I just want to be healthy, do my treadmill, eat the cookie and buy the shoes!!!!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Lazy Blogger is Back
Yes I admit to being lazy, but its also been a long haul. I just got tired, trying to do too much as always but it lead to a little depression maybe. Oh not clinical but down diddy down down down. Franks knee's started to act up in Louisiana. He had something removed from his leg, it was cancer but they got it all (melanoma) but while he was waiting to see the Specialist he was full of anxiety. Every little tick in his body suddenly was something else. Men! We went to the Dermatologist together. It was a low grade melanoma and he will be fine. Phew!
N ow we're waiting for an MRI for his knee. As well we're waiting for my Radiation to start, they marked me last week, which means I have to be careful in water, not to wash these tattoes off. I kind of melted down over this (which didn't help my low mo row), I mean we just bought a Hot Tub! Guess who can't go in it until the end of Radiation??? Oh Man that was the last straw, I drove home from the Georges Dumont fit to be tied. I know I can be proud of the way I went through the chemo, managed Christmas despite the worse chemo just before Christmas. So this is why I haven't been blogging who wants to hear Sue whine. Not that I haven't whined on these blogs, but things just weren't that funny.
For instance the Sears Bill,now that wasn't funny. See I never had one. Frank had one in his wallet which he never activated,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,So before Christmas we are in Sears, and the Sales Clerk says would you like a Sears card?? Now Frank who doesn't shop, and hadn't been in Sears in years says, well gee I think I have one in my wallet. So I am like whoa lets use it!! Now remember I was a single Mother who although wasn't poverty stricken stayed away from Credit Cards. So we leave Sears with an activated Sears card. Now Frank doesn't realize that I have always wanted to have one. You're thinking well why didn't she long ago just go get one. Because when I was single raising Robb I decided that I would have just so many bills coming in a Month.
I was the queen of budgeting. I digress. So a few weeks later we're watching Television and guess who is having a Sale, and if you get there between 8am and 11am you get like 50% off. So I'm like Frank lets go. I forget what we needed but I am totally on drugs here remember, Steroids which make me hyper. So we get to Sears and I actually get a cart. Now Frank doesn't have this fabulous company he owns because he's a stupid man. He brings a book with him when I want to shop, he settles himself down in a quiet corner and away I go. I really think in my head I thought I was that lil single Mother who was always on the outside looking in. I start filling the cart. I find fabulous deals. Now remember I 'm on steroids. (I'll go back abit) I think after we had bought what we had gone for, Frank says "I'll be over there waiting for you and reading my book. I had looked at my watch and it was 9:15am, I say "I'll see you in about half an hour". Now I find some beautiful blouses, and head for a changing room, well I have brought the wrong sizes so out I go to find the right size. Well guess what? I keep losing my way back to the changing room, and when I would go to find the right size I would see something else that we just had to have and My God it was on Sale and I had a new charge card. Now I did say I was on Steroids and my friends Sandra and Janice are reading this and probably laughing hard they have seen me on Steroids. On steroids I am faster then a speeding bullet, loud, and very funny, and lost in Sears.
I'd say the fifth time getting lost I looked at my watch, 10:45am. Frank I know is probably looking for me and frantic. Because I got lost in the grocery store after my first Chemo, when he found me it wasn't pretty. So now I'm like OMG I have to go find him. So on my way to finding him you'll never guess yup shoes on sale...I stop and start trying on the cutest lil boots that I already had at home or something pretty close. While I'm trying them on I know I'm border line schizophrenic ...cause I send the clerk off for more sizes. I'm feeling guilty knowing Frank is looking for me but I am in a zone here, suddenly I feel someone looking at me I look up and theres Frank leaning over the shopping cart, now when he's mad he puts his glasses low on his nose and tilts his head down. I look up and start laughing hahshaa now I know he's just overheard me say to the clerk "I have a pair at home just like these", because Frank looks at the clerk and says she has forty pairs at home. Then he booms "Sue let's go". So we start going I'm talking a mile a minute about the damn changing rooms being so hard to find. Then what do I see a tray of donuts and free coffee for the customers. Yup I stop and help myself , Frank is almost to the door, I meet a sweet lady from Amherst and start telling her about all the deals. Steroids my God, Frank didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Oh and that shopping cart had about $700.00 in it. He threw the card away when we got the bill. He loves to tell this story to our friends and family he laughs his head off describing me running around with that cart!!!
I'm so glad I blog. How can I possibly be depressed with my life being a Lucille Ball comedy hour.
N ow we're waiting for an MRI for his knee. As well we're waiting for my Radiation to start, they marked me last week, which means I have to be careful in water, not to wash these tattoes off. I kind of melted down over this (which didn't help my low mo row), I mean we just bought a Hot Tub! Guess who can't go in it until the end of Radiation??? Oh Man that was the last straw, I drove home from the Georges Dumont fit to be tied. I know I can be proud of the way I went through the chemo, managed Christmas despite the worse chemo just before Christmas. So this is why I haven't been blogging who wants to hear Sue whine. Not that I haven't whined on these blogs, but things just weren't that funny.
For instance the Sears Bill,now that wasn't funny. See I never had one. Frank had one in his wallet which he never activated,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,So before Christmas we are in Sears, and the Sales Clerk says would you like a Sears card?? Now Frank who doesn't shop, and hadn't been in Sears in years says, well gee I think I have one in my wallet. So I am like whoa lets use it!! Now remember I was a single Mother who although wasn't poverty stricken stayed away from Credit Cards. So we leave Sears with an activated Sears card. Now Frank doesn't realize that I have always wanted to have one. You're thinking well why didn't she long ago just go get one. Because when I was single raising Robb I decided that I would have just so many bills coming in a Month.
I was the queen of budgeting. I digress. So a few weeks later we're watching Television and guess who is having a Sale, and if you get there between 8am and 11am you get like 50% off. So I'm like Frank lets go. I forget what we needed but I am totally on drugs here remember, Steroids which make me hyper. So we get to Sears and I actually get a cart. Now Frank doesn't have this fabulous company he owns because he's a stupid man. He brings a book with him when I want to shop, he settles himself down in a quiet corner and away I go. I really think in my head I thought I was that lil single Mother who was always on the outside looking in. I start filling the cart. I find fabulous deals. Now remember I 'm on steroids. (I'll go back abit) I think after we had bought what we had gone for, Frank says "I'll be over there waiting for you and reading my book. I had looked at my watch and it was 9:15am, I say "I'll see you in about half an hour". Now I find some beautiful blouses, and head for a changing room, well I have brought the wrong sizes so out I go to find the right size. Well guess what? I keep losing my way back to the changing room, and when I would go to find the right size I would see something else that we just had to have and My God it was on Sale and I had a new charge card. Now I did say I was on Steroids and my friends Sandra and Janice are reading this and probably laughing hard they have seen me on Steroids. On steroids I am faster then a speeding bullet, loud, and very funny, and lost in Sears.
I'd say the fifth time getting lost I looked at my watch, 10:45am. Frank I know is probably looking for me and frantic. Because I got lost in the grocery store after my first Chemo, when he found me it wasn't pretty. So now I'm like OMG I have to go find him. So on my way to finding him you'll never guess yup shoes on sale...I stop and start trying on the cutest lil boots that I already had at home or something pretty close. While I'm trying them on I know I'm border line schizophrenic ...cause I send the clerk off for more sizes. I'm feeling guilty knowing Frank is looking for me but I am in a zone here, suddenly I feel someone looking at me I look up and theres Frank leaning over the shopping cart, now when he's mad he puts his glasses low on his nose and tilts his head down. I look up and start laughing hahshaa now I know he's just overheard me say to the clerk "I have a pair at home just like these", because Frank looks at the clerk and says she has forty pairs at home. Then he booms "Sue let's go". So we start going I'm talking a mile a minute about the damn changing rooms being so hard to find. Then what do I see a tray of donuts and free coffee for the customers. Yup I stop and help myself , Frank is almost to the door, I meet a sweet lady from Amherst and start telling her about all the deals. Steroids my God, Frank didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Oh and that shopping cart had about $700.00 in it. He threw the card away when we got the bill. He loves to tell this story to our friends and family he laughs his head off describing me running around with that cart!!!
I'm so glad I blog. How can I possibly be depressed with my life being a Lucille Ball comedy hour.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Radiation or Bust!
Here we go ..I got my call this morning from the Oncology department at the Georges Dumont and I get marked on Thursday, then I go back in about a week for the commencement of 25 days of Radiation. After this I will meet with my Oncologists have the required blood work and tests to see that I am free of the nasty business called cancer.
But Iam excited to begin the final phase of this journey. Sure its going to be tiring, and watching the area of my body shrivel up a bit .ahem not nice. But I'll make new friends over there I always make the nurses laugh..don't know why I just do. Maybe because I say exactly whats going through my mind. No editing for me. ..Sue Live.
I've spent the last three weeks resting up, sleeping in going off of medications, trying to get my mojo back in the kitchen. I found a cookbook at Frenchy's, its really great its full of gourmet recipes you can cook in 30 minutes. I've decided to try most of them. Last night we had chicken breasts stuffed with seafood, sweet potatoes whipped on the side with a delicious Caesar Salad. Tonight its Hungarian Beef with Paprika. Frank had a bad tooth pulled yesterday and his poor mouth was frozen but what he could taste he said was good. He is so sweet after every meal he goes " mm mmnn mmmmmmmmmmm. Honest to God how could you not cook for someone who says my secret ingredient is Love??
I also is going to start exercising I had to take a week off from the treadmill from overdoing it in my Friends torture chamber aka home gym in Atlanta. I would like to look totally svelte when I go 25 days in a row to the Dumont. I will dress to the nines, a different a wig for each outfit and will not repeat an outfit, unless requested by a nurse or very handsome Doctor. Oh to live in my head. Its fun on my Street. Just don't leave me alone for too long.
Have a nice day. Oh and I will leave you with this little bit of news. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years without a drop of Alcohol...Oh yes I miss the drinking and dialing. Be very happy I never had your number.
But Iam excited to begin the final phase of this journey. Sure its going to be tiring, and watching the area of my body shrivel up a bit .ahem not nice. But I'll make new friends over there I always make the nurses laugh..don't know why I just do. Maybe because I say exactly whats going through my mind. No editing for me. ..Sue Live.
I've spent the last three weeks resting up, sleeping in going off of medications, trying to get my mojo back in the kitchen. I found a cookbook at Frenchy's, its really great its full of gourmet recipes you can cook in 30 minutes. I've decided to try most of them. Last night we had chicken breasts stuffed with seafood, sweet potatoes whipped on the side with a delicious Caesar Salad. Tonight its Hungarian Beef with Paprika. Frank had a bad tooth pulled yesterday and his poor mouth was frozen but what he could taste he said was good. He is so sweet after every meal he goes " mm mmnn mmmmmmmmmmm. Honest to God how could you not cook for someone who says my secret ingredient is Love??
I also is going to start exercising I had to take a week off from the treadmill from overdoing it in my Friends torture chamber aka home gym in Atlanta. I would like to look totally svelte when I go 25 days in a row to the Dumont. I will dress to the nines, a different a wig for each outfit and will not repeat an outfit, unless requested by a nurse or very handsome Doctor. Oh to live in my head. Its fun on my Street. Just don't leave me alone for too long.
Have a nice day. Oh and I will leave you with this little bit of news. Yesterday I celebrated 2 years without a drop of Alcohol...Oh yes I miss the drinking and dialing. Be very happy I never had your number.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
To Blog or Not to Blog
Well I've been struggling with the whole concept of my blog. You see when I started it was to let my friends who are far away go online and see how I'm doing. People and friends loved going on to see how I was doing and to read my humorous antidote's. But when the blog is going to be my negative I had to tune out and get through the downtime by myself to work out my demons I collected on the way.
I struggled with exhaustion and the low immune system, going to Louisiana and getting sick was difficult. It kept me down. The realization that reconstruction was a long way off. The daily watching of hair renewal on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes. Susan being from the instant gratification folk well patience was never my strong suit. Living one day at time is great when you have had a great day, but the sad days the impatient days we're lasting longer then anticipated.
I had to go off sleep medication. This brought nightmares, recurring dreams that I cannot get a hold of Frank. So weird. In all my dreams he is not answering his cell. This is a man who answers my calls whether he is in a serious meeting, a conference call with Japan. He answers so in a nightmare and I can't find him, I wake up crying and telling him off. He just rolls over and says "yes dear". He is so well trained. Well I am happy to say the sleep medication took a week to go and I am better off for it.
You know despite the years of dieting, and never being really overweight this took its tole on my body and its reaction to food. So naturally going off of steroids, sleeping pils, all medication I lost weight I also lost weight because I didn't have to eat to alleviate the nauseousness. Well all of a sudden I also had the taste for coffee again. One of the most difficult thing for this caffeine freak to give up. So lower weight, less food, lots of cafeine, well people we're asking me are you on steroids again. Well never one to catch on early. Hyper Sue was back. Robb my wonderful 19 year old wants his legal identification card. So off to the Motor Vehicle Branch. Well this little carte d'itentite is now $45.00 not $9.00 so yup I'm paying for it. Which is OK. So I send him over to the spot to have his picture taken. Now usually control freak Momma would be right there telling their photographer how to take the pic. But I'm sure Robb can handle this. I hear from a distance the employee asking him if the pic was OK? Now I told you I was hyper right? I had just come from Franks office to tell him good news I had just received from the Plastic Surgeon. At his office I downed a coffee and two chocolates and a caramel. Now due to coming off of sleep medication I had slept in that day and had had very little food. Sue is now HYPER he comes to me shows me the picture, now the Motor Vehicle Branch is empty its big, and I look at the picture and yell (I have no idea how loud I am) and say "oh my God you look like a Felon"! Robb goes into shock he is embarrassed as hell as I continue and say " you just paid $45.00 for that"!! "You look like a wanted Man!! He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!
It took me two days to get him back on track.
Now I bet you want to know what the plastic surgeon had to say. This is great and is going to make the wait worth it. Due to an old scar she has limited area to reconstruct the breast the same size as the right. So she will make a little one (don't forget the tummy tuck) and she will after that heals put implants in both. TaDA. Now when I told Frank this he looks at me honest to god with a dreamy look and says "38 double D"s?? Imagine after all this hell he thinks only of the size. But it will be fun. Surgery not a piece of cake but hopefully worth it. I cannot imagine not having reconstruction. Everyone makes this decision at one point when they lose a breast. Some decide not to and that I really do understand. I say connect me to a morphine drip and bring it on.
Oh and you know I missed the flowers......................... well wishers for 3 months sent me flowers if they came for coffee they brought flowers. Well Frank gave me roses for our anniversary, and they reminded me of how much I missed them, so yesterday I went and bought three bouquets for 3 rooms and OM goodness Spring has sprung in my house. I am so happy today. I have radiation next starting in less then two weeks. Hope you're all still with me for the ride. xoxoxoxo
I struggled with exhaustion and the low immune system, going to Louisiana and getting sick was difficult. It kept me down. The realization that reconstruction was a long way off. The daily watching of hair renewal on my head, eyebrows and eyelashes. Susan being from the instant gratification folk well patience was never my strong suit. Living one day at time is great when you have had a great day, but the sad days the impatient days we're lasting longer then anticipated.
I had to go off sleep medication. This brought nightmares, recurring dreams that I cannot get a hold of Frank. So weird. In all my dreams he is not answering his cell. This is a man who answers my calls whether he is in a serious meeting, a conference call with Japan. He answers so in a nightmare and I can't find him, I wake up crying and telling him off. He just rolls over and says "yes dear". He is so well trained. Well I am happy to say the sleep medication took a week to go and I am better off for it.
You know despite the years of dieting, and never being really overweight this took its tole on my body and its reaction to food. So naturally going off of steroids, sleeping pils, all medication I lost weight I also lost weight because I didn't have to eat to alleviate the nauseousness. Well all of a sudden I also had the taste for coffee again. One of the most difficult thing for this caffeine freak to give up. So lower weight, less food, lots of cafeine, well people we're asking me are you on steroids again. Well never one to catch on early. Hyper Sue was back. Robb my wonderful 19 year old wants his legal identification card. So off to the Motor Vehicle Branch. Well this little carte d'itentite is now $45.00 not $9.00 so yup I'm paying for it. Which is OK. So I send him over to the spot to have his picture taken. Now usually control freak Momma would be right there telling their photographer how to take the pic. But I'm sure Robb can handle this. I hear from a distance the employee asking him if the pic was OK? Now I told you I was hyper right? I had just come from Franks office to tell him good news I had just received from the Plastic Surgeon. At his office I downed a coffee and two chocolates and a caramel. Now due to coming off of sleep medication I had slept in that day and had had very little food. Sue is now HYPER he comes to me shows me the picture, now the Motor Vehicle Branch is empty its big, and I look at the picture and yell (I have no idea how loud I am) and say "oh my God you look like a Felon"! Robb goes into shock he is embarrassed as hell as I continue and say " you just paid $45.00 for that"!! "You look like a wanted Man!! He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!
It took me two days to get him back on track.
Now I bet you want to know what the plastic surgeon had to say. This is great and is going to make the wait worth it. Due to an old scar she has limited area to reconstruct the breast the same size as the right. So she will make a little one (don't forget the tummy tuck) and she will after that heals put implants in both. TaDA. Now when I told Frank this he looks at me honest to god with a dreamy look and says "38 double D"s?? Imagine after all this hell he thinks only of the size. But it will be fun. Surgery not a piece of cake but hopefully worth it. I cannot imagine not having reconstruction. Everyone makes this decision at one point when they lose a breast. Some decide not to and that I really do understand. I say connect me to a morphine drip and bring it on.
Oh and you know I missed the flowers......................... well wishers for 3 months sent me flowers if they came for coffee they brought flowers. Well Frank gave me roses for our anniversary, and they reminded me of how much I missed them, so yesterday I went and bought three bouquets for 3 rooms and OM goodness Spring has sprung in my house. I am so happy today. I have radiation next starting in less then two weeks. Hope you're all still with me for the ride. xoxoxoxo
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Going Into March
Well I'm definitely not going into March like a lion, more like a lost lamb. Chemo been done for a Month and all of a sudden no Oncology visits, I miss the nurses. No extra mural, no blood work no more flowers.................wahhhhhhhhhhhhh .
So its a new road of waiting instead of being waited on. I loved being waited on. Its not the "poor Susan" stuff its like all of a sudden its not all about me........ wahhhhhhhhhhhh Ok enough of the wahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm moving on. My hair is growing and I like the colour my hair is an inch long and I this morning wondered if I would eventually put blond back in. So right there I know I am coming back to the new/old me. I'm working out on the treadmill and honest to god before cancer I had a flat butt....where did my J-lo butt come from. You see I don't need anyone making it about me I can do that all by myself.
I had some friends over the wonderful thing as I have said so many times are the new /old friends back in my life. So why am I sad?? I'll answer that with growth brings changes and things that will never be the same. Adjustment what a concept? Again one day at time.
So its a new road of waiting instead of being waited on. I loved being waited on. Its not the "poor Susan" stuff its like all of a sudden its not all about me........ wahhhhhhhhhhhh Ok enough of the wahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm moving on. My hair is growing and I like the colour my hair is an inch long and I this morning wondered if I would eventually put blond back in. So right there I know I am coming back to the new/old me. I'm working out on the treadmill and honest to god before cancer I had a flat butt....where did my J-lo butt come from. You see I don't need anyone making it about me I can do that all by myself.
I had some friends over the wonderful thing as I have said so many times are the new /old friends back in my life. So why am I sad?? I'll answer that with growth brings changes and things that will never be the same. Adjustment what a concept? Again one day at time.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
February's Update
Going into February was hard as hard as could be. How many chemo patients get to be whisked off to Louisiana and suddenly be standing in Elvis Presley's changing room at the Louisiana Hayride a huge venue that had radio broadcasts on Saturday nights int he forties and fifties. Many greats got their starts there. The changing room that had belonged to Elvis was never changed or touched. Louisiana was in a state of confusion, exhilaration and shouting Hallelujah from street corners, their cherished Saints won the Superbowl and it was Mardi Gras. Being in New Orleans at this time was surreal. So naturally after a week of all this and going on shoots with Frank and his crews I got a cold that turned into the cold from hell. When our week of shooting ended we were flying to Atlanta for Valentines day. After a week of gumbo, rice, jambalaya, grits and somethings I can't pronounce nor wish to. From my medications and flying I was starting to bloat up.
So we get to our friends who are 25 years younger then us and they are in the music business ans personal trainers. Their frig had "healthy written all over it" , we arrived on Sunday night and the next day Kim my lil body builder says hey sue lets go down to my gym and we'll have a lil work out. INside I was saying not on your skinny arms life plus I have a cold but no I go. Chinese Torture Chambers must be real cause I was in one. Needless to say I couldn't walk and smile at the same time for the next two days. Did I tell you I was in "ATLANTA" Shopping??? No with the cold which was now worse and every part of my body ached I watched literally as Frank discovered "Filenes Basement" and shopped until he dropped!!!! He even bought a new suitcase. I bought two hats. So that's how I ended my 6 months of chemo .......I came home still sick and other then meeting the lead guitarist with Elvis's band and his lovely wife......exhausted from it all.
Now listen I'm not one to whine, I think I have been pretty good going through all this. I have lots to be grateful for.
OK next the 18th of February, I know I'm going to be happy today because that tissue expander is coming out!!! I`ve explained the expander, and I will again, had I not needed radiation this would have been filled on a regular basis to make room for an eventual implant. Due to my protocol I couldn't`t go this way. So I go and have the day surgery and after three days took off the bandages and what did I see ...............how the prairies must have looked from Frank`s window when he was a boy. Flat flat fffffffffffffffffllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. With the expander I had had a bump. Well I start the tears Frank comes in the bathroom, now here is a man who cries everytime he even thinks of the cartoon `Happy Feet``, so I am looking for a hug and he says honey just another `bump`` in the road , I turn on him like an Indian ready to scalp someone then calmly say...do you see a bump there...then more waterworks.
Well its been a week and I am done with most of the dramatics...learning to deal with this. I will have my radiation in April so I will have lots to report then.
My hair on a light note is coming in , here`s a tip to people who run into people whose hair is growing in. Or lets just say if you run into me all I want you to say is ...Oh yes its blonde!!!!!!!!! I don`t want you to say salt and pepper, black, brown. Frank needs a break from my meltdowns.
You know I`ve had struggles in my lifetime and when I think back to ...there..........well I got here. So when I look ahead and see ...where..........I need to go ...I just need to remember I got here, and that I got here one day at a time. Getting to there from here isn`t easy right now, the road seems long and I`m tired. Blogging has helped I took a break and I`m back. Remember I love comments. xoxoxox Sue
So we get to our friends who are 25 years younger then us and they are in the music business ans personal trainers. Their frig had "healthy written all over it" , we arrived on Sunday night and the next day Kim my lil body builder says hey sue lets go down to my gym and we'll have a lil work out. INside I was saying not on your skinny arms life plus I have a cold but no I go. Chinese Torture Chambers must be real cause I was in one. Needless to say I couldn't walk and smile at the same time for the next two days. Did I tell you I was in "ATLANTA" Shopping??? No with the cold which was now worse and every part of my body ached I watched literally as Frank discovered "Filenes Basement" and shopped until he dropped!!!! He even bought a new suitcase. I bought two hats. So that's how I ended my 6 months of chemo .......I came home still sick and other then meeting the lead guitarist with Elvis's band and his lovely wife......exhausted from it all.
Now listen I'm not one to whine, I think I have been pretty good going through all this. I have lots to be grateful for.
OK next the 18th of February, I know I'm going to be happy today because that tissue expander is coming out!!! I`ve explained the expander, and I will again, had I not needed radiation this would have been filled on a regular basis to make room for an eventual implant. Due to my protocol I couldn't`t go this way. So I go and have the day surgery and after three days took off the bandages and what did I see ...............how the prairies must have looked from Frank`s window when he was a boy. Flat flat fffffffffffffffffllllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. With the expander I had had a bump. Well I start the tears Frank comes in the bathroom, now here is a man who cries everytime he even thinks of the cartoon `Happy Feet``, so I am looking for a hug and he says honey just another `bump`` in the road , I turn on him like an Indian ready to scalp someone then calmly say...do you see a bump there...then more waterworks.
Well its been a week and I am done with most of the dramatics...learning to deal with this. I will have my radiation in April so I will have lots to report then.
My hair on a light note is coming in , here`s a tip to people who run into people whose hair is growing in. Or lets just say if you run into me all I want you to say is ...Oh yes its blonde!!!!!!!!! I don`t want you to say salt and pepper, black, brown. Frank needs a break from my meltdowns.
You know I`ve had struggles in my lifetime and when I think back to ...there..........well I got here. So when I look ahead and see ...where..........I need to go ...I just need to remember I got here, and that I got here one day at a time. Getting to there from here isn`t easy right now, the road seems long and I`m tired. Blogging has helped I took a break and I`m back. Remember I love comments. xoxoxox Sue
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Bald is Beautiful
Oh I try to sound so profound. Well Chemo is done.however I am still breast less on the left side, its cold out and my head is cold. I still have 10 extra pounds from the steroids etc etc etc... Oh poor me my sucker is in the snow today. I still have to wear hats and scarves and wigs. Not so much fun some days. But yup I am optimistic and my hair is growing and before you know it my reconstruction will be here. I have a new treadmill to lose the extra 10.
Oh and I am going to New Orleans on Saturday Frank has a for a week then we go to Atlantat to visit friends there. Can you say Shopping Shopping Shopping. I also get to be the on set Photographer and am getting paid so those new boots will have been earned.,
I have alot to be grateful for. Yes I do. But I am human and its been a long haul. We just want to be at the end of this. I took Robb and his friends to the Mall today they chipped in and bought me a rose. I drove them from A to B back to A then to C all day and they thanked me with that. Funny how I forget and catch people looking at me like I'm a cancer patient. I have never really except when on oncology ever really felt like one. People look , I look back and they cast their eyes down fast. I used to stare at people when I was younger and didn't know any better. It's not like every second person is bald in the mall with their scarf twisted and you can see the baldness. I am lucky I am a little ego based and forget quickly and today I was looking for nice inexpensive photo frames, when I caught this woman staring. I just smiled at her and commented on the beautiful frames for next to nothing.
Hmmn so I guess tonight I am a little hung up on the fact chemo is done but I am still bald still and always be now a Breast Cancer Survivor. Never wanted this. But if God brings you to it He will bring you through it. And he is and I am getting through this. I will never cut my hair again................
Oh and I am going to New Orleans on Saturday Frank has a for a week then we go to Atlantat to visit friends there. Can you say Shopping Shopping Shopping. I also get to be the on set Photographer and am getting paid so those new boots will have been earned.,
I have alot to be grateful for. Yes I do. But I am human and its been a long haul. We just want to be at the end of this. I took Robb and his friends to the Mall today they chipped in and bought me a rose. I drove them from A to B back to A then to C all day and they thanked me with that. Funny how I forget and catch people looking at me like I'm a cancer patient. I have never really except when on oncology ever really felt like one. People look , I look back and they cast their eyes down fast. I used to stare at people when I was younger and didn't know any better. It's not like every second person is bald in the mall with their scarf twisted and you can see the baldness. I am lucky I am a little ego based and forget quickly and today I was looking for nice inexpensive photo frames, when I caught this woman staring. I just smiled at her and commented on the beautiful frames for next to nothing.
Hmmn so I guess tonight I am a little hung up on the fact chemo is done but I am still bald still and always be now a Breast Cancer Survivor. Never wanted this. But if God brings you to it He will bring you through it. And he is and I am getting through this. I will never cut my hair again................
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